C.Stanford

Schoolchildren

Poshey children were top drawer and the upper echelon of society. It was as simple as that. Way below them were Gossip children, who were not all bad as far as Miss Whippet was concerned, but not nearly as impressive as Posheys. However Outsider children were just common street urchins. Miss Whippet enjoyed making sure those scoundrels knew their place in the world; at the bottom of the pile. They had only one useful purpose, which was to get stood on and make everybody who mattered feel good about themselves. Outsider children were used as cannon fodder, to be ridiculed and humiliated as preparation for inevitable manual jobs in and around the Snook.

An Education of Sorts

Some of the younger children were under the misapprehension the square was a playground and tried to have fun. But the headteacher, Miss Whippet, regarded it as a parade square. Discipline was strict so it was where uniform inspections were carried out every morning. Miss Whippet had a piercing voice which made the kids flinch as if fingernails were scratched down a blackboard. She was a person of uncertain age; too young to be old, yet too old to be young. A thin lady, she always wore black stiletto heels, a long black pencil skirt and a black cashmere jumper. She had dark hair and a nose thrust almost vertically upwards, upon which perched gold-rimmed glasses. She looked down on everyone with a finely tuned air of superiority. She was a true Poshey through and through. As Miss Whippet saw it, she was employed to ensure only Poshey children excelled. It was the natural order of things and had to be enforced with her iron will.

School

Snookington School was a collection of impressive red-brick buildings with large white sash windows surrounding a tarmac square. Back in the day, Lord Snookington founded Snookington School and joined it with lasting bonds to the prestigious University of Snookford. An air of mystique cloaked this higher education establishment in which academic rigour was an outdated concept and disadvantaged applicants were rare.

The Nobodys

As a family, the Nobodys were sneered at in the Snook. Steve may have a good job, but he was still only an Outsider. He earned glares from Posheys and Gossips alike for his shamelessness. His wife, Michelle, was quiet and her kindness was mistaken for weakness in that unforgiving social environment. And their children were thought of as educationally deficient. But sometimes looks can be deceiving. The Nobodys were a determined bunch. Once they set their minds on something, they would keep going until it had at least been achieved.

Intimidation

To earn their rightful place in the Snook, the Gronk-LaTwonks needed to pick on another family. What better way to enter higher social circles than torment and humiliate with antagonism and lies? And Gronk knew exactly who it should be. They were Outsiders and, in Gronk’s view, vulnerable enough to be crushed by the unstoppable Gronk-LaTwonk juggernaut.

The Plan

One morning, a flash of inspiration hit the Gronk-LaTwonk household. It was Gronk’s idea, but Munter assisted ably. They devised a five-point plan to guarantee their rise to the top of the Snook social stratosphere.

The Gronk-LaTwonks

In his spare time, Gronk loved to fantasise. He dreamed of being a master swordsman whose swashbuckling style overcame all adversaries. Or a combat soldier with weapons strapped to his uniform who, by sheer guts, could win a war against any odds. Or even a real-life superhero with cape, mask and underpants outside his trousers. His phenomenal strength and X-ray vision would save the Snook on a daily basis. Despite being a Junior Pencil Pusher, tomorrow he could be a spy with a really cool car.

Foiled

A train in the distance rumbled into view. Steve turned to look. Gronk was on the verge of another triumph. A good old slap on the back of the head would show who’s boss. This was his moment. In a blur, Gronk’s open palm swung in an arc while Steve grabbed Gronk’s wrist and held it firm. Gronk panicked. He tried to get free, but his enemy was too strong. His arm was forced down and then Gronk was pushed away.

Confrontation

One fateful midsummer morning, Gronk stood at Snookington railway station. He looked along the tracks toward SmogCity and saw a famous spire in the distance. The platform was almost empty. He glanced around and saw a solitary figure in the distance. Squinting for a moment, he spotted Steve Nobody. He had not seen his enemy in a long time. Pent up hatred rushed to the surface. He enjoyed baiting that Nobody.

Gronk Versus Nobody

Guido Gronk had, at long last, convinced most people to call him Gronk. He was proud of the family name which, he kept telling everyone, went hand-in-hand with military glory dating back to medieval times. A tall, slight man with shoulders thrust back and head held high, he swaggered about in dark clothes accentuated with a pink shirt. His self-image was of a “rather dandy chap,” as he would often say. A mop of black hair with a long fringe flopped over his eye line. He spoke with a high-pitched voice and worked hard at being a loud, pushy show-off. His nose was pointed and stuck into the air. Brashness and image meant everything to Gronk and he intended to stand out.