The Snook – CALLUM STANFORD

Gossips

Outsiders also had to be wary of Gossips in the Snook, who saw what they want to see and heard what they want to hear. Being third class was a tricky existence. It was best to keep their heads down and only talk to those of the same standing. But not all were so cautious. One afternoon, a young Outsider strolled along a walkway toward the High Street. He saw a couple of women, did a cheery wave and said, “Hello, nice day isn’t it?”

Pip Pip

The waiter bought their food and drink over, and they nibbled, inhaled, gorged and slurped. There were more hysterical noises at the combined hilarity of the waiter’s rudeness and the Outsider looking unhappily at his food. Harvey clicked his fingers for the bill. The waiter appeared, immune to their behaviour. Harvey flipped through his wad of cash and slapped an eye-watering amount on the table, leaving an extra couple of fifty-pound notes tip for the waiter. No eye contact was necessary.

Restaurant Experience

One morning, some Posheys were taking breakfast in Gnoshers. It was their favourite restaurant on the High Street on account of it being hugely over-priced. There was a unique concept on offer called ‘one for the price of two,’ which involved no menu so the waiting staff could serve whatever they deemed fit. If customers did not like what was on offer, even better. Anyone with the temerity to order would, at best, be ignored. At the end of the experience, the customer had to pay an extortionate price. It was designed to exclude Outsiders and Gossips to facilitate a Poshey-only eatery.

Snobbier-Than-Thou

The problem with Gronk’s ambition was the school streaming system. As an Outsider, he was automatically in the lower sets and excluded from the all-important Snobbier-Than-Thou course. Whilst he accepted Outsiders should generally be prohibited from this part of the curriculum, he thought exceptions should be made for outstanding candidates such as himself because he was not like the other Outsiders. He was aspirational and dreamed of the opportunity to learn snooty qualities.