Getting Used To Out Of The Ordinary

The time has come for another operation to my head. This is operation number five. The others have taken a lot out of me. For the first one, I was standing tall. Now I am on my knees…. Read More

Attempting Normality

I hear a familiar voice through the haze. It’s Michelle and she has a hand on my shoulder and says it’s time to get ready to go to The Royal Marsden Hospital. My latest appointment is the monthly… Read More

Stumble And Fall

I have an appointment for a CT scan at a hospital in London called The Lister. Dragging myself out of bed, I turn the shower on and lean against the wall as the water gushes down. Mentally, I… Read More

Hard Times

The procedure each time I went for a radiotherapy session involved collecting my file before going to the waiting area. I sat down with the others and a silent resignation to our fate. Flicking through my notes, I… Read More

Fog

I have to build myself up to leave the house and only ever do this for medical appointments. My life now is resting in bed, being sick and hospital. The sickness is all-consuming and I have no identity… Read More

Puke And Pills

I spend most of my time in bed trying to watch films. It’s a worrying time waiting to find out if the radiotherapy treatment has worked. However, I begin to experience some of the side effects I had… Read More

Two Belly Buttons

  Remembering my studies and legal training helps instil a single-mindedness, but I have to turn my attention to the present. I’m surprised I haven’t received any counselling to help me through cancer. I was told I would… Read More

The Last One

I arrive for the last radiotherapy session, number thirty. Only ten minutes earlier, I was leaning against a wall and throwing up. With watery eyes, I wiped my face and made my way into hospital. After a fifteen… Read More

Torture

I go into the final sessions of radiotherapy and am so unwell. Through the waves of tiredness, I stop at my favourite doorway to retch and vomit before making it into hospital and telling the radiotherapy operators I’m… Read More

This Is My Low

I get up feeling drained and go to the bathroom for my usual morning routine, which involves flushing my PEG (the tube inserted into my stomach in case I need to be fed that way) through with water… Read More