Speech

Miss whippet stared at a gathering of the younger children.

“For some, admittance to Snookington School creates an advantage. High standards are expected here. If you want to slouch about with hands in your pockets… what a hideous thought… you may as well pack your satchels and head off to, dare I say, Dundiston School. And Bosworth is clearly a cut above the Goodson delinquents. And…” Miss Whippet sneered for a long moment. “What I say goes here. I am anti-poor. I can’t stand the underprivileged. And I will widen the disadvantage gap.

The high fliers obviously come from a position of status. You have to belong to make it here. Even so, only a select few Bosworth students will go up to the University of Snookford. However, I will make sure all Bosworth students will be THE BEST they can be. We do not prepare Bosworth to compete. We equip you to win! A lot of thought has gone into making sure Bosworth is filled with the right children. Mediocrity is only acceptable for the miserable lot in Goodson. You see, it’s all about background. To reinforce this truth, our sports day parents’ and carers’ race has only ever… EVER been won by those responsible for a Bosworth child. Without a shadow of doubt, this fact alone proves the system works.

Bosworth is taught how to look for a chink in the armour and gain the upper hand. Of course,” Miss Whippet glanced briefly at Goodson, “with that bunch over there it’s more like punching your way through a wet paper bag. Ha, ha, ha, forgive me…. of course, the adult world will be much more of a challenge, but we have to start somewhere.

You will not be mollycoddled at Snookington School. Oh no, you will toughen up or you’ll have a truly rotten time. And blubbing is not allowed… tears are a mark of weakness. Just in case anyone has misunderstood, you lot in Goodson are the no-hopers here. In the staff room, we amusingly call you the ne’er-do-wells. Oh, how we laugh! You are good-for-nothing wasters who will never amount to anything because you do not possess the tools to succeed. And don’t you forget it! Which leads me on to my favourite subject: Punishment. Being sentenced to the Sign is integral to your formative years. It is a declaration that your behaviour WILL be corrected. Public humiliation is the key… the instruction you receive here will stand you in good stead for the rest of your lives.

Come on children, remember Lord Snookington and repeat the Snookington Way…”

Miss Whippet clenched her right fist and swung it sideways in an enthusiastic sweeping motion.

“Poshey like me, winner thou be…” the pupils murmured in unison.

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