Interview

Gronk turned up for the interview early and stood in the waiting room. The receptionist nodded for him to take a seat and he gave his best ’wet-my-pants’ smile in return. He wore a cheap black suit, pink shirt and thin black tie. He looked at an oobaTWAT™ suit, but it was far too expensive. He knew Groate already worked at this company and he was inept at almost everything. Gronk felt the job was his for sure. He was ushered into a small room by a weaselly-looking man. The window had a commanding view right down the Snook High Street. One day, Gronk thought. One day this will be my office.

Gronk noticed a little man with a bald head sat behind a desk. “Please, sit down,” the interviewer said. “So, how would you describe yourself?”

Gronk frowned. An adequate description could take two or three days, but he took a moment to distill his magnificence. “I consider myself a high performer… ahem, as you can see from my exam results.”

The interviewer looked at Gronk’s CV and read aloud. “Classical Civilisation A+, French A+, Philosophy A+. Very well done indeed. Did you not consider University?”

“Well, I did for a while,’ Gronk began. “The University of Snookford practically begged me to go up there…”

“Oh, which degree did you apply for?”

“That’s an interesting question. Well done,” Gronk paused. “Very well done indeed. It was… umm… a combination of politics, tax, law and… err… military strategy?”

The interviewer looked baffled.

“It… it’s a new degree. They’re not really advertising it yet. Applicants are selected for academic merit and strategic acumen. Naturally, I was their first choice.”

“Naturally…” the interviewer raised an eyebrow.

“Anyway, I decided an honest day’s work would be better for my career. And there could not be a role better suited to my many, many… MANY talents than Trainee Pencil Pusher.”

“And where do you see yourself in five years’ time?”

“Beyond your little job, that’s for sure” Gronk scoffed. “And I see this as my office. After that, who knows? It is inexorable that I’m on the way up. Nothing can stop me. But… ahem… for now I want to grab the opportunity of this job with both hands. I won’t let you down, Sir.”

The interview ended and Gronk left the office with a big smile on his face. He nailed that one for sure. Walking down the High Street, he crossed the road and forced a car to stop. It beeped its horn as Gronk flounced across the road and stuck a middle finger up at the driver. The interviewer watched him from the large office window. He was shaking his head as a colleague walked in and joined him at the window.

“Is that the candidate?”

“Yes…” the interviewer sighed.

“What did you think?”

“Well, his application was riddled with inconsistencies and I didn’t believe a word about why he never went to University. He turned down a place at the University of Snookford, apparently.”

“Preposterous, no one does that.”

The interviewer continued to look out of the window. “Exactly. And he was certainly not a Poshey, although he did put on a fair act. But, in his favour, he has a good accent, he was pompous and his confidence knew no limits.”

“…and,” the colleague continued, “there were no other applicants, so I guess the job is his.”

The interviewer sighed again.

Copyright © 2022 Callum Stanford.  All rights reserved.

Author: callumstanford

Writer, blogger, outsider, survivor.

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